• emmanuellegammage

Changing what confidence looks like in 2020

Updated: May 10, 2020


In the past we've expressed confidence in the form of body positivity, baring our flaws in no make-up selfies, unedited snaps and wearing wacky fashion. But it's time to change what confidence looks like because I'm sick of confidence always relating to what we look like, aren't you?


Confidence should be not being afraid to say 'yes' to things that scare us and being assertive enough to say 'no' if you don't want to do something.


Confidence should be choosing what makes you happy without fear of being judged.


Confidence should be about being true to yourself and knowing what is in your soul and heart.


Confidence should be about being comfortable with who you are, liking who you are and knowing the kind of person you want to be.


Confidence should be about self-awareness.


Confidence should be about being yourself, not trying to be someone you are not.


Confidence should be about not being afraid to admit that you're good at something. You shouldn't have to hide an achievement that you're proud of.


Confidence should be stepping out of your comfort zone and challenging yourself. You don't have to believe that you will be great or win at something, you just have to accept that you might fail but that it's ok, because you can try again.


Confidence should be about being assertive in what you feel. Confidence should be normalising saying 'no', 'I want', 'I need' and 'I'd like some help'.


Confidence should be about appreciating the journey you are on, not the result.

Whenever I have written about confidence in the past it has always been about accepting your body and feeling comfortable in it. Whilst I absolutely still believe in body positivity and acceptance, my feelings have evolved to that of wanting to be confident in other ways.

What does confidence mean to me?


It means knowing who I am inside and out, and knowing the kind of person I want to be. It means knowing my strengths and weaknesses. It means feeling comfortable in who I am and the decisions I have made. It means liking who I am and knowing that I have the power to change if I desire. It means feeling content with my inner self and trusting myself. It means knowing what I am capable of.


Many of us try so hard to be like someone else that we lose a sense of who we are. The greatest form of confidence that we can show, is simply just being ourselves unashamedly.


It doesn't have to mean being the loudest person in the room, being the friend that everyone wants to be, being outspoken and opinionated, being arrogant or being the 'most' of anything - it's about knowing who you are. I keep using that phrase 'knowing who you are' and that means knowing what you're good at, what you enjoy, what makes you happy, what makes you anxious, what you want in your future, what makes you, 'you'. So that when you find yourself having to make a tough decision, you feel confident in your choice and when you find yourself in certain situations, you know how they will effect you and how to find a solution.


You don't even have to show your confidence to others. Confidence can be the quiet inner knowledge that you are capable and you are enough.


When I was younger I remember saying 'I just want to be confident like her' and 'how does she do it?!'. But a huge thing that I've learnt is that confidence isn't just something that you have, it's something that you build and nurture.


If you need a little boost in the right direction in building your confidence I would recommend following useful accounts on social media, keeping up to date with Happiful magazine and listening to podcasts or reading a self-help guide!


Instagram accounts:

@mindspo

@nedratawwab

@bryonygordon

@happiful_magazine


Podcasts:

Iweigh with Jameela Jamil

Give Me Strength with Alice Liveing.

The Mindful Kind with Rachael Kable

Happy Place with Fearne Cotton


Books:

'Being Beautiful' by Helen Gordon

'Kindfulness' by Padraig O'Morain

"Be so completely yourself that everyone else feels safe to be themselves too"

Emmanuelle


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